Friday, August 21, 2009

Adam is stealing my dog!!!

I think my partner is stealing my dog. All of a sudden Charlie Tuna is sleeping on Adam's side of the bed. Hanging out with Adam on the couch. Looking to Adam when he wants to go outside. I just want to know...

Why you steal my dog Adam???

I mean, it's not like you even like him all that much. You complain when he wants to go out. You complain when he wants to come in. You bitch endlessly about the fact that he sleeps on the bed with us. You don't have 'daddy-vision' yet so there have been times you've forgotten he is at the bottom of the bed and have rolled over on him in the middle of the night. When we get into a pissing match you only 'sometimes' take him with you on a 'cool out' walk. The same damn route you take him on nightly anyway! Are you trying to make your point that 'you are really mad' to me...or the dog????

So why you steal my dogs affections?

Is it because he has finally found success in lulling you into a false sense of security through those weird acid-eyes? Or is it that the little boy inside of you has finally broken through and now openly revels in the pure joy that bubbles up when getting your toes licked by the fluffy little dog? For the record, yeah it's weird, and yeah LOTS of people like it too.

You constantly call him a 'cat in a dog suit' and complain to everyone how he has to be touching you wherever you sit in the house.

Yet you are becoming curiously close to the little man.

You know, for a guy who never had any pets I have to wonder why you don't just embrace the freedom and get your own 'normal-size' dog? Charlie is an opportunist and just because you give him more treats than I do does not mean he won't turn on you as soon as I start to play the oneupmansip game.

But I won't do that. I would rather you just steal the damn dog. That way I know he is being loved even more. Sometimes, when you don't think anyone is watching you, we have witnessed you petting the dog, playing with the dog, and even wiping his feet gently after being outside in the rain. You are falling in love with the little man and you hate that it is starting to show. But don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You just go ahead and steal my little dog.

After all, this way it makes it way easier for me to go to the pound, and bring another one home.


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